i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
