...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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