I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
