I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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