I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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