he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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