Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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