Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
