i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
