Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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