i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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