lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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