my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
