Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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