He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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