What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
