Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
