i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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