guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
