i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
