Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
