it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I could make wine with my vomit
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize