WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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