Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
