Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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