Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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