Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
