giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
