I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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