Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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