Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
