Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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