Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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