my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
