this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
