tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
