i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
