i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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