i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
