You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
