my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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