dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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