he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
