She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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