Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
