if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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