i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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