Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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