If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
