laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
