The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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