Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
