i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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