Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
