he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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