You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
