she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
