I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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