you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
