last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
