Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just pee around me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
