I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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