Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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