I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize