I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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