She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
