We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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