when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
